BAAAMM!!!
I tweeted earlier today that I'll tell it all. Well, here goes. Let's do this.
Some say I am a good guy, a heck of a good person, of a gentleman. Some say I am a genius. And then there are people who think that I am a self-centered egomaniac who doesn't have the courage to admit my flaws. If you are of any one of the groups listed above, well then you are wrong, wrong, wrong and wrong. And wrong. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a clever guy. I'm not that self-centered. Ask those who know me. They would tell you people of how humble I am. But I'm not here to talk about my humbleness. Nor am I talking about me being good or a genius. I would like to take this time to tell it all. Yes, all of it. All of my weaknesses. My ignorance. My flaws. I've become what a mother wouldn't want in a son. Of course, she never told me that, but I can pretty much guess it. Let's talk about that.
Now of course, there isn't enough time for me to write everything here, but I'll do my best to put up some of my biggest mistakes in my life here. And here's one of them. Back when I was 7 years old, I've almost lost my ability to walk, due to a severe dislocation on my right patella (that's the kneecap) that kept me out of school (and the outside world) for roughly 4 months. My family, especially my mother, has been more than helpful throughout that time and up until this day. And thanks to them, to her and to Allah SWT (God), I am now still able to be walking on this little planet called Earth. But I take it for granted. I don't give even the minimal amount of damn to my well-being. I don't keep a good care to my health. I am an ingrate. An ignorant person. I'm a bad guy.
And then there's the year 2010. Also known as a year I wish I never lived in. Damn regret. I'm still trying to forget. Around this time, I was in a relationship that I currently treat as a nonexistent. Don't ask why. Well, my mother has repeatedly told me to NOT involve myself in any sorts of relationship. I'd end up hurting, she said. And guess what? I heed that advice. Like the ignorant person that I am. Hahh. And now I'm hurting. Hahh. Stupid. And even worse, do you guys remember that Paramore was coming to KL on October 19? Yes, I was there. With my then-girlfriend. But at what cost? Well, my mother's well-being. My mother had, and is still having, a sickness called Paraumbilical Hernia. And by that time she was about to have her second (if I'm not mistaken) operation due to a re-exaggeration of her hernia. My ex-girlfriend didn't have enough money to afford the tickets, so my mother gave her the money that was supposed to be used for the operation's bill. So the operation was off. And guess what? My mother even followed along me to Mid Valley when I was going to buy the tix, because she didn't want anything bad to happen to me. So the concert went well. My mother? Not so much. She went to a condition that has never been worse in her life. Ever. It pains and hurts me to say that I have seen my mother screeching in pain on her mattress (we don't sleep on beds in my home) as if she's dying. And yet I decided to go to a Paramore concert with a girl who was in a relationship with me for merely eighteen months! I risked my mother's life! I know I have promised to not curse on my blog ever again, but screw it! Screw it! All of it! Screw it all! I regret it! I am disappointed with myself! And trust me when I say this; I do regret more than I am admitting right now. I'm a bad guy.
And yes. We've come to the final stop before I end this blog, which will be my final blog before I head into my final exam and subsequently leave my college on April 26, but not before I do something that will change my life forever, but nonetheless. Well, throughout my nearly nineteen years of wasted life, my mother has been asking for only one thing. She's been asking for something that would make her the happiest mother in the world. She wants me to pray. Not that hard. 5 minutes per run, 5 runs per day. Simple enough right? Well, not for me. It's not that I couldn't do it. I was too lazy to do it. I rarely pray. Hell, "rarely" is an understatement. I almost never pray. Even until I entered college. Then this guy under my hostel room, who is also my practicum mate, would ask me to join him to the mosque. I would join him, which basically means that I would pray, only if this guy was inviting me to. There is this one word that can be used to describe me. Hypocrite. Nuff said. And then I went to a downward spiral, and I hit the rock bottom. I had come to a point where I felt and believed that my life was meaningless. So I took the initiative to text my newly-found sister, which has been mentioned numerous times in my blog. I asked for what could be described as a counselling session with her. And that was when my life started an out-of-the-world change.
With just one line, my newly-found sis has changed me. What did she say? "Pray to Allah SWT (God), because He always hears you". Since then, I have never missed a single prayer. Ever. And then I remember the first time I went back home after that counselling session, and perform a prayer in my room. My mother caught me. She was happy. Never been any happier. That was when I see, clearly, what I want to do, to achieve in my life. My mother's happiness. Many ways to do that, for sure. But right now, I wanna talk about one. Just now I mentioned about how my mother told me to not involve myself in any relationship. She wanted, and still wants, me to feel love the way it should be. She wants me to marry someone, then falls in love with the one. Because that's the only way for me to own the right to love and be loved by the person. The way it should be. And that's the way I am going with. But who? She's the person who is able to make my mother happy with just a single line and no intentions at all, while I was struggling to find a direction in life yet has never even contemplated on making my mother happy. Yes, I'm talking about the person I referred to as my "newly-found sister". But here's the problem. She is a good person. She is a very good person. She is a very great person. I, on the other hand, am the worst person that you could have ever met (that is, if you have ever met me). She's very religious. I, on the other hand, am religiously blind. I can't even read the Al-Quran properly. She doesn't deserve me. I don't deserve her. We do not belong to be on the same page. Hell, we do not even belong in the same damn library! She has a bright future ahead of her. I won't kill it. That is why I can't do it.
But I will.
I will do it.
I will change, for the better. For her. For my mother. For myself. For God.
And by the end of my college run, I will tell her about my intention on bringing my mother to meet her mother.
Hopefully, I can do something right this time.
And that's why I am writing this. I need all of your support. No, I'm not asking for money or anything. I just want you to pray for me. So that I can be one of, if not, the best in the world at what I do. Only this time, I would be doing something right. Pray for it. For the best of me. For the best of my newly-found sis. For the best of my mother. Please Allah, please my God. Give us the best in the world. Make it easy.
This is my last post before I leave my college on April 26. Expect me to be back right after that. And on that note, until next time. Make sure you'll be there.
All of the Glory be to God.
Faith. Follow that.
Frictional Blog.
All of the Glory be to God. BSc (Hons) Mathematics. Huge Daniela Andrade fan. Pro wrestling enthusiast. NXT is the place to be. LET'S GO~! \|/
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Frictional Blog 15 [The Winds Of Change Edition]
BAAAMM!!!
Let's do this.
Topic #1: Pro Wrestling - Vintage CM Punk = Vintage. Oh yes.. I've spend most of today watching CM Punk's early works in the WWE, back in the ECW brand.. It was really interesting how his character, charisma and in-ring skills have improved so much in such a short amount of time - and even in the early days, he was already extremely (pun intended) good! Good to see a "raw rookie" working his crap-locker off day and night to become one of the top faces of the business. If I wear hats, I would so totally put them off for you, Mr Punk.
Topic #2: Personal - Vintage change = Vintage. Can you hear that? The winds of change are blowing. Or is that my heavy breathing due to my hyperventilation as we are getting closer and closer to my final days in college? Yeah, I think that was my massive exhalation. But nonetheless, a huge change is upon us. Ohhh yes it is. I am slowly turning myself from the world's biggest prick to one of, if not, the best in the world at what I do. But unfortunately, the only couple of things that I do is quitting early and messing my life up. So I guess I have to change the things that I do. Which would be so totally hard. But I have to. I have to make it happen. I have to do it. I will do it. And you will like it. Sure, maybe some of you would totally disagree with my opinion, but I just simply have to do it. I have never wanted anything so bad. I want it so bad. I have messed my relationship with several good friends and even my ex-S.O by doing things my way. I will no longer do things my way. I'll do it the right way. And my new way is the right way. I'll do things my new way. It's my new way, or the highway. And you know how pricey those highway tolls can be nowadays. Booya. This time I'll not give up. This time I'll do the right things. No regrets. I may not be good enough, but I deffo can be better. Now follow that.
And that's it. Sorry guys. I've missed a couple of weeks of posting, and I came back with only this short, meaningless one. But hey, it's not that meaningless. It means a whole lot to me. Each and every one of my posts means a whole lot to me. So you guys know the shtick; check out all my other (more interesting) posts, add me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter and subscribe to me on Youtube. And always remember,
All of the glory be to God.
Faith. Follow that.
Frictional Blog.
Let's do this.
Topic #1: Pro Wrestling - Vintage CM Punk = Vintage. Oh yes.. I've spend most of today watching CM Punk's early works in the WWE, back in the ECW brand.. It was really interesting how his character, charisma and in-ring skills have improved so much in such a short amount of time - and even in the early days, he was already extremely (pun intended) good! Good to see a "raw rookie" working his crap-locker off day and night to become one of the top faces of the business. If I wear hats, I would so totally put them off for you, Mr Punk.
Topic #2: Personal - Vintage change = Vintage. Can you hear that? The winds of change are blowing. Or is that my heavy breathing due to my hyperventilation as we are getting closer and closer to my final days in college? Yeah, I think that was my massive exhalation. But nonetheless, a huge change is upon us. Ohhh yes it is. I am slowly turning myself from the world's biggest prick to one of, if not, the best in the world at what I do. But unfortunately, the only couple of things that I do is quitting early and messing my life up. So I guess I have to change the things that I do. Which would be so totally hard. But I have to. I have to make it happen. I have to do it. I will do it. And you will like it. Sure, maybe some of you would totally disagree with my opinion, but I just simply have to do it. I have never wanted anything so bad. I want it so bad. I have messed my relationship with several good friends and even my ex-S.O by doing things my way. I will no longer do things my way. I'll do it the right way. And my new way is the right way. I'll do things my new way. It's my new way, or the highway. And you know how pricey those highway tolls can be nowadays. Booya. This time I'll not give up. This time I'll do the right things. No regrets. I may not be good enough, but I deffo can be better. Now follow that.
And that's it. Sorry guys. I've missed a couple of weeks of posting, and I came back with only this short, meaningless one. But hey, it's not that meaningless. It means a whole lot to me. Each and every one of my posts means a whole lot to me. So you guys know the shtick; check out all my other (more interesting) posts, add me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter and subscribe to me on Youtube. And always remember,
"Don't believe in what they say. Don't believe in what I say. Believe in what I write."- yours truly, The Noorel. Until next time. Make sure you'll be there.
All of the glory be to God.
Faith. Follow that.
Frictional Blog.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Frictional Blog 14 [The Confidence Edition]
BAAAMM!!!
This is a very short post.. And by "very short", I mean "super-duper-ultra-hyper-mega-giga-kilo-tera short".. Nothing much to be said here.. I don't feel like blogging this week, but I still wanna drop a short post this week.. So here goes.
I WILL DO SOMETHING STUPID ON APRIL 26, 2012. Which will be my last day in college. Sheeeeahh. Remember my plan? The challenge? Well it's not about the challenge anymore. And it's not about my plan. No, it's not about the way I plan it. It's about how I'll make it happen. So what's that stupid something? Of course I won't be telling! Hah! But consider yourself warned, because you may never, eeeeeever, see this coming. Some of my friends know what I am talking about. But for the rest of you, well, until then, I'll leave you guys wondering. Yes, I will do it. BECAUSE CONFIDENCE IS IN MY NAME. No, I'm serious. My name basically translates to "the praiseworthy light of confidence".
Notice that I didn't laugh in this post? Yeah, I did not laugh ("Hah!" is not considered as a laugh, y'all). Just a small part of my ongoing change. Anyways, that's all for this week. Don't forget to check out all my previous posts, add me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter and subscribe to my Youtube channel. Yeah, cheap plugs, I know. But if you wanna do all that, then I'd so totally appreciate it. Until next time. Make sure you'll be there.
STUPIDITY = PERFECTION
Faith. Follow that.
Frictional Blog.
This is a very short post.. And by "very short", I mean "super-duper-ultra-hyper-mega-giga-kilo-tera short".. Nothing much to be said here.. I don't feel like blogging this week, but I still wanna drop a short post this week.. So here goes.
I WILL DO SOMETHING STUPID ON APRIL 26, 2012. Which will be my last day in college. Sheeeeahh. Remember my plan? The challenge? Well it's not about the challenge anymore. And it's not about my plan. No, it's not about the way I plan it. It's about how I'll make it happen. So what's that stupid something? Of course I won't be telling! Hah! But consider yourself warned, because you may never, eeeeeever, see this coming. Some of my friends know what I am talking about. But for the rest of you, well, until then, I'll leave you guys wondering. Yes, I will do it. BECAUSE CONFIDENCE IS IN MY NAME. No, I'm serious. My name basically translates to "the praiseworthy light of confidence".
Notice that I didn't laugh in this post? Yeah, I did not laugh ("Hah!" is not considered as a laugh, y'all). Just a small part of my ongoing change. Anyways, that's all for this week. Don't forget to check out all my previous posts, add me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter and subscribe to my Youtube channel. Yeah, cheap plugs, I know. But if you wanna do all that, then I'd so totally appreciate it. Until next time. Make sure you'll be there.
STUPIDITY = PERFECTION
Faith. Follow that.
Frictional Blog.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Frictional Blog 13 [The Disappointment Edition]
BAAAMM!!!
So I'mma make this post as short as possible, since I miss my Playstation 3 so badly (awwwwww)... =(
Let's get it started, shall we??
Topic #1: Pro Wrestling - WWE Elimination Chamber is disappointing.
Last week I said that the build-up was poor.. Well, unfortunately the PPV itself is also the same.. Wow.. Well the 2 Elimination Chamber matches was exciting and all (definitely 2 match-of-the-year candidates here), but seriously, the WWE writers do not know what the company priority is, apparently.. Their most prestigious championship was on the line in the first match of the show?? This is ridiculous!! And what's worse is that the main event of the night was not even a world title match, but a vendetta/vengeance match between John Cena and Kane.. First of all, the PPV name is Elimination Chamber, which basically means that the Chamber matches should be the highlight, the ultimate showcase of the night.. Besides, the top 2 championships are being defended in the 2 Chamber matches.. But what did we get to close the show?? A meaningless, soap-opera style Ambulance match, with SuperCena winning again.. Hey yo, the reason for each and every one of the WWE Superstars to beat the hell out of each other day in and out is to be either the World Heavyweight Champion or the WWE Champion!! Not to settle his differences with some other guy in a match that has nothing to do with a certain event!! But anyways, here are some recaps from the show: CM Punk retained his WWE title by last eliminating the Miz in the 1st Elimination Chamber match of the night, which is a very great match to say the least.. Beth Phoenix retained her Divas title, defeating Tamina Snuka in the process in the best Divas match that I've seen in a very long while.. The 2nd Chamber match did not disappoint, as Daniel Bryan kept hold to his World Heavyweight title after a super-strong performance by Santino Marella.. Jack Swagger defended the United States title in an impromptu match against Justin Gabriel in a short match that was fun while it lasted.. Aaaaaand SuperCena kills Kane and all of the Big Red Machine's momentum in a very, VERY disappointing Ambulance match main event.. Overall, the show was not that bad, but the order of the matches and the choice of main event match just make you asking "What did I ever do to watch such a horrendous booking?".
Topic #2: Personal - My struggle in studying the English language being meaningless is disappointing.
So I got myself a Band 5 (from a scale of Band 1 to Band 6, with 6 being a Shakespeare-ish awesomeness-reeking language user and 1 being a complete retard) in my Malaysian University English Test.. I got a very poor scoring in speaking, but my listening (I got a perfect score for listening, by the way), reading and writing covers it up.. Which basically shows why out of 3 schools and a college that I've been to, 2 of them have had teachers that claimed me to be one of the very best novel American style writer that they had ever met - and I was only like what, 9, 10 years old?? Thanks to God and my family and friends for being very supportive for me, the struggle that I've been through to be quite good in my English was not so felt.. Until recently, when some guy from some university said that my band means ABSO-FRICKING-LUTELY NOTHING!!! Frick this!! He said that although I got a Band 5 and some other dude got Band 1, yet both of us have the same academic and co-curricular achievements, he might have a chance to be picked into the uni over me...... Are you serious bro? You have got to be fricking kidding me.. So I have to pay for a language test that I was told could help me be an ace in the selection of students for the universities and put a lifetime effort on it just to, well, be an ace, only to be told later on that even a Band 1 can be chosen over me?? Screw this.. I want, need and deserve my money back.. I didn't pay for this test to be put on the same shelf with other people who basically knows nothing except paying for and sitting for the test despite knowing almost nothing about their language.. Ahhh, funk it.
Topic #3: Personal - Not being taken seriously is disappointing.
So I've shared my story to some of my friends this past week.. You know, about my plan involving a newly-found sis and a former mentor who loves to issue challenges to me.. While some (in fact, most) of you have been really helpful with all your various solutions and guidance for me, most (in fact, some of the "most" in the former) have been laughing at me, claiming that I was, and I quote, "certainly joking"...... Do I look like I am joking? No, I'm not. I am 100% serious. If I tell you a story while I giggle, smile and laugh at times, does that shouts "I am playing around, and you need to follow that" to you?? Sweet cream on an ice-cream pie!! What in the blue hell of an answer are you expecting?? Hell no!! Hell no. I am being serious in this context. Very serious. Hell, I am dead serious. If this would cost me an eternal shame, then so be it. I just don't care anymore. This ain't about a challenge anymore. This is about me, my crush, my faith in her, my faith on my mother and my 100% faith in Allah S.W.T (God). If my former mentor is to take back his challenge, I would still do it. Why? Because I need to do something right. And if this is the right way, then I'll do it with arms wide open. If there's a bad outcome coming out of this, then shove it to me like a thunder striking the roof of a Prius. I have nothing to lose. As that mentor guy said, "Regardless of the answer, you will win. You will win my respect. You will win her respect. You will win her mother and family's respect. You'll win your mother and family's respect. Hell, even you would pat your back for the rest of your life, telling yourself that you did one heck of a job." The change - the revolution - has already begun. MY change has already begun. My change is not the way I plan it. It is how I make it happen. I will make it happen. On my last day at college, I will make it happen. I will not disappoint all of you who are reading this blog. I will not disappoint those of you who believe in me. I will not disappoint myself. No, I won't. I just will not. Yes, I like her THIS much. Now have faith, and follow that.
So that's all for this week. Make sure you check out all my previous posts, add me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter and subscribe to my Youtube. I'd so totally appreciate it. Until next time. Make sure you'll be there.
STUPIDITY = PERFECTION
Faith. Follow that.
Frictional Blog.
So I'mma make this post as short as possible, since I miss my Playstation 3 so badly (awwwwww)... =(
Let's get it started, shall we??
Topic #1: Pro Wrestling - WWE Elimination Chamber is disappointing.
Last week I said that the build-up was poor.. Well, unfortunately the PPV itself is also the same.. Wow.. Well the 2 Elimination Chamber matches was exciting and all (definitely 2 match-of-the-year candidates here), but seriously, the WWE writers do not know what the company priority is, apparently.. Their most prestigious championship was on the line in the first match of the show?? This is ridiculous!! And what's worse is that the main event of the night was not even a world title match, but a vendetta/vengeance match between John Cena and Kane.. First of all, the PPV name is Elimination Chamber, which basically means that the Chamber matches should be the highlight, the ultimate showcase of the night.. Besides, the top 2 championships are being defended in the 2 Chamber matches.. But what did we get to close the show?? A meaningless, soap-opera style Ambulance match, with SuperCena winning again.. Hey yo, the reason for each and every one of the WWE Superstars to beat the hell out of each other day in and out is to be either the World Heavyweight Champion or the WWE Champion!! Not to settle his differences with some other guy in a match that has nothing to do with a certain event!! But anyways, here are some recaps from the show: CM Punk retained his WWE title by last eliminating the Miz in the 1st Elimination Chamber match of the night, which is a very great match to say the least.. Beth Phoenix retained her Divas title, defeating Tamina Snuka in the process in the best Divas match that I've seen in a very long while.. The 2nd Chamber match did not disappoint, as Daniel Bryan kept hold to his World Heavyweight title after a super-strong performance by Santino Marella.. Jack Swagger defended the United States title in an impromptu match against Justin Gabriel in a short match that was fun while it lasted.. Aaaaaand SuperCena kills Kane and all of the Big Red Machine's momentum in a very, VERY disappointing Ambulance match main event.. Overall, the show was not that bad, but the order of the matches and the choice of main event match just make you asking "What did I ever do to watch such a horrendous booking?".
Topic #2: Personal - My struggle in studying the English language being meaningless is disappointing.
So I got myself a Band 5 (from a scale of Band 1 to Band 6, with 6 being a Shakespeare-ish awesomeness-reeking language user and 1 being a complete retard) in my Malaysian University English Test.. I got a very poor scoring in speaking, but my listening (I got a perfect score for listening, by the way), reading and writing covers it up.. Which basically shows why out of 3 schools and a college that I've been to, 2 of them have had teachers that claimed me to be one of the very best novel American style writer that they had ever met - and I was only like what, 9, 10 years old?? Thanks to God and my family and friends for being very supportive for me, the struggle that I've been through to be quite good in my English was not so felt.. Until recently, when some guy from some university said that my band means ABSO-FRICKING-LUTELY NOTHING!!! Frick this!! He said that although I got a Band 5 and some other dude got Band 1, yet both of us have the same academic and co-curricular achievements, he might have a chance to be picked into the uni over me...... Are you serious bro? You have got to be fricking kidding me.. So I have to pay for a language test that I was told could help me be an ace in the selection of students for the universities and put a lifetime effort on it just to, well, be an ace, only to be told later on that even a Band 1 can be chosen over me?? Screw this.. I want, need and deserve my money back.. I didn't pay for this test to be put on the same shelf with other people who basically knows nothing except paying for and sitting for the test despite knowing almost nothing about their language.. Ahhh, funk it.
Topic #3: Personal - Not being taken seriously is disappointing.
So I've shared my story to some of my friends this past week.. You know, about my plan involving a newly-found sis and a former mentor who loves to issue challenges to me.. While some (in fact, most) of you have been really helpful with all your various solutions and guidance for me, most (in fact, some of the "most" in the former) have been laughing at me, claiming that I was, and I quote, "certainly joking"...... Do I look like I am joking? No, I'm not. I am 100% serious. If I tell you a story while I giggle, smile and laugh at times, does that shouts "I am playing around, and you need to follow that" to you?? Sweet cream on an ice-cream pie!! What in the blue hell of an answer are you expecting?? Hell no!! Hell no. I am being serious in this context. Very serious. Hell, I am dead serious. If this would cost me an eternal shame, then so be it. I just don't care anymore. This ain't about a challenge anymore. This is about me, my crush, my faith in her, my faith on my mother and my 100% faith in Allah S.W.T (God). If my former mentor is to take back his challenge, I would still do it. Why? Because I need to do something right. And if this is the right way, then I'll do it with arms wide open. If there's a bad outcome coming out of this, then shove it to me like a thunder striking the roof of a Prius. I have nothing to lose. As that mentor guy said, "Regardless of the answer, you will win. You will win my respect. You will win her respect. You will win her mother and family's respect. You'll win your mother and family's respect. Hell, even you would pat your back for the rest of your life, telling yourself that you did one heck of a job." The change - the revolution - has already begun. MY change has already begun. My change is not the way I plan it. It is how I make it happen. I will make it happen. On my last day at college, I will make it happen. I will not disappoint all of you who are reading this blog. I will not disappoint those of you who believe in me. I will not disappoint myself. No, I won't. I just will not. Yes, I like her THIS much. Now have faith, and follow that.
So that's all for this week. Make sure you check out all my previous posts, add me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter and subscribe to my Youtube. I'd so totally appreciate it. Until next time. Make sure you'll be there.
STUPIDITY = PERFECTION
Faith. Follow that.
Frictional Blog.
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